What a cool subject this is, Responsibility or response-ability. This is probably one of the most misunderstood or misused words on the planet. Instead of responsibility, (even if we are claiming we are taking it) we are usually caught in layers and layers of blame, justification and “not my fault”.
I really wanted to write about this right now because I am noticing more and more how little responsibility we are taking. When it comes to living the life we truly want or having the effect we truly want, we are literally blaming and assigning cause to everything but ourselves. Now, that is true but even that is very misunderstood. The reason we are not truly taking responsibility is because we are still caught in the “reaction” to the situations and people that we don’t like. In other words, as long as we are reacting, we are unable to respond, we are not response-able.
You could say, when you scratch below our surface reactions or outlook, that we are everything but responsible (response-able). We are angry, blaming, justifying, telling stories, gossiping, creating negative unconscious alliances. In short, it is everyone else’s fault but our own.
That is where we lose our power. That is where we lose our authentic power. The reactivity inside of us is not interested in authentic power, (the power to heal or change the situation) it is only interested in not having it’s power (false power) taken away from it. Does that make sense? We have an ego, an unconscious and reactive mind, that has gathered momentum (and evidence) and feels justified for doing something which doesn’t actually sit right at a soul level. The voice in our head has become our ruler and the intelligence of our heart has become the poor cousin that no one ever listens too, particularly not us.
We literally fight and argue to defend the viewpoints of our upset mind. It is not right or wrong, it just means that we have no real power to change the situation for the better as long as we are still entertaining the anger, disapproval or upset. As long as we are in reaction we can only draw the same situation back to us.
You see there is no lasting solution to a life problem unless you get the understanding of the “mind” or “way of thinking” that created in the first place. If you don’t understand what lead to the dysfunctional behaviour, you will generally judge it and further create the other person to repeat the behaviour.
If you are angry at someone for doing something, that anger creates further distance between you. When you create further distance between you and someone else, they feel more unloved, isolated, wrong, powerless and ultimately needy. This is when people act up even more and feel more justified in doing so. People, including you and me, are most likely to succumb to the ego when they are not feeling loved and it all seems “not worth it anyway”. Put simply, when you don’t feel loved you will fuel yourself in any way you can. This is the unhealthy continuing of the cycle.
So, whilst our problem situation looks like it needs to be changed, if we jump into the reaction to change it, we unconsciously create the continuing of the same problem. If we react and are unable to respond we perpetuate the lack of love and understanding that we face in life. This lack of understanding and love, and abundance of judgment, blame and criticism is quite possibly the biggest problem on the planet. You would be surprised just how many of our “big” problems, (war, famine, pollution etc), would be ultimately sorted and understood if we learnt this lesson.
In the meantime whether it is your little family quarrel or a big planetary issue, don’t stop working on the solution, but begin working on the understanding of the “actual” problem, the lack of understanding, the lack of being response-able.
When you are in judgment, you are not response-able and ultimately not being responsible. At that point, we are partly responsible for the continuing of the problem and whilst we are pointing fingers in all different directions, we are not realizing the degree to which we are creating the “bigger” problem.
This can be hard to take in as we have usually been in these situations for a while and our story, justifications, evidence and blame has built up. It is much easier to point to the problem outside of our selves, this is the great sickness. The blaming and upset energy inside of us doesn’t want to let go of the fight until the other person gets what they deserve (payback) and we get what we deserve (an apology). Haha, it’s hilarious isn’t it.
We are willing to lose all of our personal power and peace just to have the last say or to be right. From a negative point of view, it is brilliant, because whilst we are thinking we are fighting for our rights, our voice and our own power, we are unknowingly losing power, consciousness, true voice and any creative and compassionate abilities. What a trap, what a negative masterstroke, we fight for our own limitations and ongoing wars, in the name of fairness and rightness and justice.
How intelligent we are, but how unintelligent we can be. Or, how intelligent we can be, but how unintelligent we are. It is all a question of mind or heart, intellectual intelligence or natural intelligence, asleep or awake, resistant or willing.
Challenge yourself, or I should say, challenge your mind. Deep down we know we are holding on and we know we are resisting loving people and situations exactly the way they are. Loving them doesn’t reduce your ability to change it (only the ego will claim that), it actually enhances it. We have let to go of the control, let go of the way “we” want it and be there, with love, for it is exactly the way it is. That is healing, that is where true change comes from. That is not weak and small, that is the root of all true power.
Slow down, inspect your own thoughts, breath out and understand your reactions, bring yourself back into the moment, what can you do in this moment to make a difference. What do you need to let go of to be able to put the understanding and love on the top of the pile. That is what it takes to be response-able. That is what it takes to be creative instead of reactive. That is what we miss at a government level, that is what we need at a family and personal level, the rest will come in good time.
Remember, bring it into now and never underestimate the power of who you are.
For more info on Trevor Hendy’s Bootcamp for the Soul, click HERE