Trap #3 – “There is only one way”

Trevor HendyThoughts3 Comments

Trap # 3 – “There is only one way”.

I could be accused of writing long blogs. I would argue that is because I am really passionate about what I am writing about and the transformative effect it could have on your life, haha to the arguing part. With that in mind and in an attempt to be really true to the content of this blog, I am going to keep it as short as possible. Let’s see how we go.

This one is about our crazy mind and the ego that is grown out of it and how it loves to limit us in every way it can. In particular it is about how limited we are in allowing different viewpoints and get all stuck on one or maybe two ways of doing something. This comes from a funny conversation my wife and I have been having about how there is seemingly “only one way” to do something and how incredibly limiting that is for any of us. I am hoping you recognize this straight away because it’s one of the greatly free-ing realizations to have.

Let’s briefly recap. Our mind, our thinking, is controlling our world and the perception of it. It is blanketing or blocking our soul or creative energy from coming through. We cannot enjoy peace, bliss, relief, long term love or satisfaction when our very spirit is blocked from coming through. Our beautiful soul or life force is blocked by our incessant and over thinking mind, particularly the unconscious reactive mind.

We are not usually being the aware observer of our world with an ability to bring about change. We are usually so busy “unconsciously” and “unknowingly” reacting or resisting what is happening around us, that we are unhooking from our creative capabilities and hooking into the drama about what we think about the particular situation. In other words, we are not being with and changing the world, we are resisting it and therefore keeping it the same. You can’t change something from resistance to it. Even if you seemingly do, it reverts back as soon as you take your attention off it.

It is like forcing your children to clean their room and then as soon as you are not looking they mess it again. So, then you make consequences and this coerces or forces your children to keep it clean. So, then they rebel in a different way. In some cases as soon as they move out, they then unconsciously rebel and have the messiest room or house that you can imagine. There are many other examples of this, with staff or relationship partner, etc.

You see, we are unconsciously saying to other people “there is only one way to do this”. You are implying or saying this because you are stuck in a piece of mind that truly believes there is only one way to do it. You are stuck in unconscious control. “but if we don’t do it this way, the world will have anarchy” is the type of fearful thought that sits below the surface to unconsciously justify your need to defend your one way of doing it.

If you scratch below the surface, you will find that there is a strong energy that really asserts that you are right and this or that is right. You have evidence and a story to back it up. “I am telling you, there is only one way to do this and you are doing it wrong. Do it my way and you will be right”. When in fact, what you are saying is, “do it my way and I will be right”. Because, of course, when the other person does do it your way, you will find something else to be right about.

This may come as a shock but there are many more than one way to do something. This can be really fun and exciting to realize. In fact, if you could even just allow the possibility that there are many ways to do something, you will be so much free-er that when you begin doing it, you may even get the result you were deep down always wanting, to get the job done and finished.

This has become more obvious to me lately, how “right” I have been about certain things. In case you missed the point, that doesn’t mean I am right about it, it means that I think I am right about it and am asserting my knowledge or power or status to affirm that I am right. In other words, in that instance, I am stuck and controlling and so far from getting any peace and completion it is not funny, or from another angle, very funny indeed.

Let’s have some fun together on this planet. If you are reading this, join me in being a bit looser and allowing other people to try it their way. Let’s all give each other a bit of space and room to move. Let’s grant each other a bit of freedom and love each other for the depth of who we are rather than our performance or attitude in any one moment.

I think there is a lot of love, peace and acceptance that is going missing because we simply assert that “there is only one way to do this” and “it’s my way”. Remember when we do this, we are as trapped, if not more, than the person we are attempting (often unknowingly) to control. Instead of forcing someone else to do it your way, encourage them to do it their way and be there for them to see if it works. If it does, they have taught you something, if it doesn’t, they have also taught you something.

Rather than control it unconsciously, turn the other way and face your mind, find the fear of letting go and question it. FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. You will not fall in a hole if you let someone else do it their way; you will enjoy watching a powerful human learning about their own creative capability. You will probably also learn about your own.

Let go of the one viewpoint that is controlling you in any situation and allow a whole stack more until you feel free to move forward without fear and without control and without creating all to repeat again tomorrow, next week, next year or next lifetime.

Have a ponder about who you might have unknowingly suppressed with your “one viewpoint” and let them out of your web. You will all benefit.

Remember, bring it into now and never underestimate the power of who you are.


3 Comments on “Trap #3 – “There is only one way””

  1. Thanks Trev,
    I’m really enjoying reading your blogs they are helping me move on after a tuff time I have being having of late. I’m so happy that I listened to your story on the Howie Games which has led me to your website.
    Next step I think I will give Boot camp for the soul a go.
    Thanks again.

  2. Good morning. I walked past you on the beach this morning and thought I would google you. You and your wife exuded a lovely aura. I have just read your blog. I am in transition at the moment. I had a terrible cycling accident two years ago and trying to organize my life in a way that is my new normal. I can’t decide how I want my life to look. I don’t know whether being really really fit is my goal anymore or whether balance is what it is all about with an emphasis on meditation and walking rather than cycling 6 days a week. I have a personal trainer and I have done an Aruyvedic detox but I have no idea how to plan the next part of my journey. Do you have anyone you can recommend in Brisbane or someone down here that could help me? I look forward to hearing from you.

  3. Gday Trevor.
    30 yrs ago ,Burleigh heads . Aussie titles. 1989. It was the Sunday arvo. I was 14 and about to be presented with a gold medal in the cadet beach sprint . I turned to the commotion and saw Deano Mercer beat you in a sprint up the beach ( hope my recollection is right )

    My name is Mark Hignett. My good mate Damien Bulian ( beach flag legend) told me to listen to your pod cast on the Howie Games. It was brilliant.
    About 12mths ago i had a break down. I’m 44 happily married. 2 daughters that are 3. & 1 . Living in Torquay. Life is pretty good
    10 yrs ago my then fiancé suddenly died . And I thought I had grieved and delt with those feeling . I didn’t understand why I was feeling so helpless.
    Luckily a friend of my who owns CrossFit Geelong had a lady working next door. Her name is Maxine Therese.
    Wow ! She has changed my life . I’ve been seeing her regularly and have never felt better . Life is great . I’ve been a carpenter since I was 17. And now I’m looking at studying Kinesiology. Maxine has suggested learning how to muscle test . I’ve been a sprinter Most of my life . So hoping to combine the two and do sports Kinesiology.

    Anyway , just wanted to let you know your pod cast on the howie games made an impact . I was racing on Sunday in the Ballarat gift. I’m in the semi final . I said to my self . I’m just going to be happy I’m in the semi. I’m 44 and the next oldest would of been 30. How bloody good that I can match it.
    I didn’t make the final finished 3rd but shit I made them earn it . Thanks again mate

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