The destructive “need to be right”

Trevor HendyThoughtsLeave a Comment

This is a pretty “full on” subject.  It points to a hidden “why” of why we do some things.  In this blog I am going to raise the issue of needing to be right or win or have the last say or finish on top.  Whatever way you want to put it, it all points to one energy, one negative based energy “the need to win”.  I find it challenging to write about, probably mostly because I have been caught in it for so long.

As with a lot of these articles, this has come from a series of recent session that I have done with people.  You would be amazed how often this compulsive, destructive “need to win” has come up and how much lighter, brighter and more relieved my clients have been when they walked away having realized the following wisdom.

For the purpose of this blog, I am going to summarize the energy I am pointing to by calling it “the need to win” but make no mistake it is the underground equivalent of just absolutely “having to, or needing to be right”.  I hope at the end of the article, you can get a little or a lot of a feel for how destructive this unseen psychological aspect of our pursuits, can be.

I am pointing to the fact that there is a difference between actually winning and the psychological aspect of “needing to win/be right, have last say, finish on top” etc. Actual healthy winning can be summarized as the act of overcoming obstacles and finding the best in yourself and breaking free to achieve a win of any type, a win that also demonstrates to others what is possible, whether intentionally or not.  The psychological “need to win” that I am referring to is the underground, hidden resistant energy that brews behind everything we are doing.  Firstly, in most cases we aren’t even really aware that it is there, all we know is that we want to do better or break through.  Secondly, we aren’t aware that it is actually coming through in everything we do and has more of a part in creating the outcome than we realize.

Let me be clear, there is two things going on in most big determined life pursuits.  One is the healthy part, the rising up of spirit and the determination to fly and be free.  The other is the negative, resistant energy that is piggy backing on our pursuits and successes.

To break this down we need to understand that every thought or thought form, has an energy attached to it.  Thoughts drives energy, energy drives creation and eventually becomes something “real” in the physical world.  This is now scientifically validated.  The genie is out of the bottle, thought directs energy which in turn creates our world.  We don’t need to understand that on a “huge” creation level but it is great to wonder and awe about.  However it can be really helpful to understand that on a personal level if you have any desire to live a happy fulfilled life.

So, on a personal level, our thoughts our creating and directing our world, in many ways, seen and unseen, to be the way it is.  Our good thoughts of rising up and being the best we can be, are creating us to move forward and find ways to bring the best out of ourselves.  In that manner, we are practicing to be “conscious” creators.  Think it, dream it, make it happen.

But, what is this other bit, this upset bit, deep inside of us.  It is the “need to be right”.  It comes from any original upset, any time someone or a situation stated or inferred that we “couldn’t” do it, do something, do anything.  The anger and upset that rises up in us at a very young age when we are told we can’t do something is the same anger and upset and “need to be right” that we are still carrying around now.

By the way, I must add here, that the person that told you that you couldn’t was almost certainly coming from their own limitations, control, upset and “need to be right”.  You see, we don’t just make it up, it gets passed along, from person to person, situation to situation, relationship to relationship.  It’s pretty crazy really, we are all stuck in a big fight about what is and isn’t possible, when it’s all actually possible and the only real problem is the big fight, the underground, unseen, upset that sits back behind all of these situations.  Even our most prized loved ones can be the ones that pass it on to us and vice versa, you may be realizing right now that you are passing it on to someone else.  Just realize it, make the change and move on.

The problem is not in the current or original issue itself, It is in the fact that we didn’t realize the person who passed it onto us, was actually unconscious.  Not only were they wrong about you not being able to do it, they were also wrong about them not being able to do it, which came from someone else in the first place.  This gets passed on down from generation to generation.

If you are reading this it is because you are one of the many (or few) who are now waking up and realizing the buck stops with you.  They didn’t mean to pass it on, they were just carrying the unconscious energy of failure and being wrong and they unconsciously, unknowingly passed it on to you.  You see, they didn’t mean it, neither did those before them.  It has all been unconscious and only changes when the person finally becomes conscious of it.  That is all that has to happen.  Think about it, after all, who are we proving wrong, who are we trying to beat, who are we trying to get the last say over, if they didn’t even know what they were doing, if they didn’t mean to do it in the first place.  I am not saying the original energy wasn’t heavy and “full on” and that it didn’t absolutely pummel you, I am simply saying it was the energy, not the person that was pummeling you and that I haven’t come across a person yet, who actually consciously knew they were doing it, myself included.

I am not religious in any way, but I do love seeing the truth coming through in all spiritual texts.  One doozy is from the bible when Jesus reportedly states on the cross, “forgive them, they know not what they do”.  That is the liberation, that is the breaking free, it is the realizing that there is actually no-one to fight with.  If they are trying to take you out, limit you, control you or put you down, they are not even “present”  or “conscious” themselves, they need rescuing too. Don’t take it up with them, take it up with the energy, usually you will find that in yourself, in your mind, in your justifications and blames.  That is the resistance that reminds you that we all get caught in it and that it is ok, we are learning to spot it and get back out of it.  We are learning to become the “conscious” one, where there was only “unconsciousness” before.

There is no “evil” person, only the occasional supposedly “evil” energy that is running around dragging everybody into it’s argument and completely hoodwinking you as to where it is coming from.  Remember evil is just live spelt backwards.  It is only our own energy turned against us.  It is the seeing it that changes it. It’s not that evil after all, just hidden.  My great teacher said “you can only be taken out by what you can’t see”.  If you want to go free, just get good at noticing the difference between the person (your loved one, friend or workmate) and the negative energy.

Ultimately it is this stuff that wrecks relationship, not the stuff we are arguing about.  We are fighting for our “right” or “need to be right” but actually staying stuck because the fight is the problem, not the being right or wrong, not the content that we are arguing about.  You are actually truly amazing at your truest level so what on earth are you arguing about.  Bit of a hint there, because if we weren’t here on earth, in this distorted, competitive, lost environment, we wouldn’t be arguing about it.  Someone needs to rise above that distortion and change direction or we will simply end up where we are headed.

Any “need to be right, win, have the last say” that sits inside of you, is just the same negative stuff that is making the world go around in a negative way.  It is the same stuff that drew you into the argument in the first place.  Even if you do win, you will draw someone else into the same feeling of feeling small and powerless and they too will grab onto “the need to be right” and prove themselves.  The buck has to stop somewhere.

It doesn’t stop by you no longer pursuing your dreams and being the best you can be.  It stops by you being conscious along the way and releasing the “need to be right, better or on top of” anyone else.  You don’t need that to win, you only need to be the best you can be and funnily enough that involves letting go of the stuff that you ultimately don’t want to take with you.

If you hated that small, controlled, manipulated feeling in the first place why on earth would you want to take it with you all the way to the finish line.  There is that old saying “hating someone else and expecting them to suffer, is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die”.  You see, you can leave this bad vibration behind, its just a decision to keep going without the “need to be right” governing everything you do. It might even change your plans a little and steer your ship a little truer towards everything you truly want.  That is true winning.

You might say that I have been pointing out the difference between “winning on all levels” vs “winning at all costs (usually plenty)”.  Or you could say it is the concept of win/win vs the concept of win/lose.  How much longer can we go on pretending others aren’t losing whilst we are winning or believing that that is the only way to win?

Our planet seems to be suggesting to us that something has to give or else, all of the win/lose that we have been avoiding seeing will come back to haunt us in the form of a destroyed life force on our planet Earth.  It doesn’t matter whether you see it in yourself or in the whole world, it has the same effect when left unseen.

As Ghandi said “be the change you want to see in the world”.  At a metaphysical level, you seeing this and changing this goes a long way to changing it out in the world, at the very least it will change it for you and your family.  The beautiful life force that is available to you when you leave behind these psychological battles is too amazing and too important to be taken for granted.

It is our time to truly win, it is your time to truly win.

Remember, bring it into now and never underestimate the power of who you are.



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