Well, this is one of the most revealing subjects you can come across in life. Because of this I haven’t trimmed it back to a 3 minute read. After quite a few weeks without a blog I wanted to share a big chunk of understanding for something that can be so powerful in the negative, or positive, and something that I think is still mostly misunderstood and not seen in it’s deeper context.
“Self talk” for most people seems to point to the old principle that you have to sort out your self talk to be successful. It seems to imply that there is this little man or woman on our shoulder that is discouraging us from moving forward and that we need to straighten him out and start having powerful, positive self talk to truly move forward. That is a pretty good start on the topic of self talk but it is completely underestimating or understating just how massive self talk is in not only stopping you from moving forward but completely creating your life to be the way it is. In most cases that means creating large or ridiculous amounts of what you don’t want. When understood fully it doesn’t even need to be turned into positive, as you, in your right mind, don’t need more positivity, you just need to be the real you.
You see “self talk” is our first and gentle scratch into the understanding that you have a whole other “you” or personality pretending to be you, sabotaging everything you do. In my experience and the experience of everyone I have worked with and helped or worked with and been helped by, this is exactly what is happening. You, me, anyone else who is not consciously aware of their own thoughts and taking the drivers seat in their own creative or “being in the now” bus, is actually being controlled and run by their own, reactive, self fulfilling, limiting, stagnant, patterned mind, “shadow self” or “ego”. We are literally creating ourself into oblivion or at least suffering and spiritual paralysis, simply by being unaware of our “self talk” and the negative place that it comes from and not being willing or caring enough to pursue it and reveal it.
I recently ran into a friend who had prompted me to begin my “self awareness” path some 20 years ago. Having hardly spoken for 15 years, it was fascinating to share a chat and discover the parallel challenges and lessons we had come across since our last time together. That was cool but what really hit home was the simple little principle he was using to keep himself “free” and outside of the games and unconscious aspects of life.
He had stepped into much bigger pictures, politically and organizationally and was challenging the status quo all around the place. He has really been taking steps forward in not only being free of this old stuff himself but taking the next step in helping others in a big way. In his words, “with my step up to greater responsibility, I have found whole new levels of challenge and can see why I didn’t want to do it in the first place”. Throughout these new “stepping out” adventures he has kept two simple philosophies or viewpoints by his side.
I want to share these with you as I know that I had taken many new steps of waking up and freeing myself over the last 15 years. Without knowing it, we were both adopting the simple practices that I list below. I will reveal them to you roughly as he spoke about them to me.
Firstly, it doesn’t matter who you are working with or what is being said or done, when you have a reaction inside of you, there is something that needs to be observed and cleared. If you don’t observe and clear that reaction, your next actions will come from a place of denial and “trying to change the other person”, this rapidly brings in the energy of control and resentment. This is not the truth of life, nothing truly changes from these reactive positions. The problem is never with the other person.
So, in this instant, he always goes looking for the reaction inside of himself and tracks it down to some sort of belief he has been holding about himself, like “I am not good enough” or “I am small and incapable” or “I have to fight hard for what I get”, to name just a couple of examples. As he recognizes that belief he is able to free It out and liberate himself from it, as he already knows that our true self is not tied to any belief or stuck in any such limits. These beliefs in fact are the spiritual, energetic soup that, when identified with, allows us to live out a reduced, problematic version of our “self” and life.
When he sees this belief he also sees the effect that it is having on his actions, wellbeing, energy and decisions and therefore he can also see the effect it is having on the situation and the other people around him. This frees the “negative mind” and the little gremlins that run around with it, from multiple different angles and allows him to take responsibility for himself in the moment and more particularly for his effect on the whole situation and the other people.
This instantly gives him the ability to move forward from authentic power and freedom and leave behind the energy of control and resentment.
The other principle that he carries with him and one that is tied into all of the above, is that when he has a particularly strong reaction and he doesn’t feel as though he wants to let go of what he thinks about the other person or the situation, he simple slows down and asks himself “is there anyway that this is reflecting me”. In other words, what is it that I don’t like in the other person, that I am not seeing in myself. This once again implies that wonderful spiritual truth, “the other person is not the problem”.
You see, our self talk, if viewed, can lead you to understanding layers and layers of your own “shadow self” or “alter ego”, the energy that is unconsciously sabotaging you. In here you can find so many wonderful examples of beliefs and mindsets that we have picked up along the way. None of them are true, however put together with the incredible creative capabilities of us as human beings, we can make them as true as we want.
In other words, we can make the most ridiculously disempowering, negative belief into a truth if we just invest a little passion and unconscious commitment into it. In fact when we hold onto those beliefs, knowingly or not, we will gather great evidence/proof in the form of life experiences to prove that our belief is correct.
It only proves that we are creators and that if we channel our creativity through negativity and limitation we can only end up with more of the same.
Our greatest gift, our creative capacity, is being used against us by our own minds and the overall game of negative, unconscious thinking.
It would seem that there must be a whole world out there that has to take responsibility for perpetuating this game, however it truly comes back to us, it is us, in our unconsciousness, that is perpetuating it.
If you are willing enough to slow down enough and begin to view the rubbish that has gathered in your mind, you can not only free it out and begin to life the life of your dreams, you can also help restore sanity on the planet or at least in your life and your family. As you regain consciousness, you will see that it is not as big as it seems, it is only big from the unconscious point of view.
My great teacher always said to me “you can only be taken out by what you can’t see”. Remember, most of that can be found inside of our “self talk”. The rest will reveal itself after you have sorted that out.
If you are trying really hard in life and never quite getting there, never feeling as though you are fulfilling your potential or arriving at a place where all of the ducks line up, firstly it is worth noting that life is not about the ducks lining up. It is mostly about become aware of who you truly are, breaking your identification with your mind and all of the ridiculous things we are chasing in life to find self fulfillment.
The self fulfillment will come from you finding you and that is not out there, it is inside of you. When you connect with that you will connect with all of the beautiful stuff outside of yourself and even the things that you are chasing will come to you much more easily.
Usually what stands between you and that simple realisation of who you are, is this “self talk” we are talking about. If you are trying hard and not getting there, it is not because of your efforts it is because of your beliefs. Why try harder and harder and exhaust yourself even more or worse still exhaust everyone around you, when you can simply slow down, release a few negative beliefs and enjoy the peace and fulfillment of feeling what “you” feel like without chunks of mind and self talk running your show.
When you have enjoyed the moment exactly the way it is, you usually feel a rising of some intuition and renewed energy and a ready to get back on with some, passionate, purposeful and honest effort towards your desired outcome. Hopefully this time you will be able stay “in” the moment whilst working towards some future moments.
Here is an example of some “self talk”, “negative beliefs” that were sitting inside the mind of someone I worked with recently. This person was actually doing very well in life and was quite aware. He was also pretty good at clearing his own self talk on the go. Interestingly after all of that awareness and success, he felt as though something wasn’t quite right and that an old piece of mind was trying to come into view that was blocking his efforts and his chance to permanently experience the deeper peace of having no mind running his show.
With a little digging (about 30 seconds worth) he found this piece of mind inside a nagging unfulfilled feeling that was hanging in his gut. I will just put it roughly in the order that it came out of his mouth. “Nothing can ever get better”, “It is never going to better”, “It can never be better”, “nothing has changed”, “after all of this work you have done on yourself, nothing has changed” (notice at this point the belief had switched as thought someone was talking too him), “you don’t deserve for anything to change anyway”, “you deserve to stay stuck and look like an idiot forever”, “ if you think you are going to get away with this, you have another think coming”, “you were a loser and you need to pay for it forever”, “you belong to me, you need to stay stuck”.
Well, each statement, lead to the next and each time he looked brighter but more intensely experiencing it, like the tension you go through before a big release. The big release came when he said “you belong to me, you need to stay stuck”. It was like an internal command that he was obeying. He couldn’t see or feel who “me” was, he didn’t need to, he just knew it was a load of rubbish and he had been sub-servant to some sort of mind based energy and delusion. He just started laughing and said “that makes complete sense”, “that is how I felt and that is how everything played out”. You see, he could never quite fully feel as though he was free or deserved freedom with that piece of energy and mind calling the shots from the invisible background of his thoughts.
By the way, the stuff that he wasn’t supposed to get away with was simple unconscious stuff that he had done as a younger man and that had a negative effect on others at the time. He had long since sorted that out with them but hadn’t released it’s left over effects on himself. It was stuff that was out of ethics for him personally and he had really taken it to heart.
What was also very cool about this release was that I could totally relate to it and felt a new sense of freedom from the same stuff (the reflective element and the magic of life).
After he saw this mind he realized that all of the other clarity and freedom he has experienced had lead him to be “able” to see this next layer. It felt as though it was a “final” piece in the release of his old junky beliefs and experience. He was certainly very bright and free after releasing it, the spark in his eyes was amazing and reward enough in itself.
You see, you, me, all of us, are powerful and creative beings at our truest level. We have gathered, inherited, self created and accumulated so much mind and energy junk along the way that we can barely remember who we are (or not at all). It doesn’t take as much as it seems to free this stuff out. You simply have to be willing to spot some of the junk floating through your mind and question it’s validity, particularly if it has lots of proof surrounding it. It is not who you are.
At the most, you will need to make a few new decisions, possibly get a little help to release some old stuff and begin slowing down and honoring this moment, not all of those old past failures and moments and not all of the mythical future moments that “promise” to make it all better.
The power is in now, this moment and you are the way. You are a creator, you only have to decide that you want to break free from this junk and live your best life. When you do this, without even knowing how, three wonderfully connected principles will jump into action.
1. When the student is ready the teacher will appear.
2. Ask and you shall receive.
3. Build it and they will come.
These principles always take hold when you are ready to move forward, unless you hold an unconscious belief, “self talk”, that they won’t (the case for most of us), in which case just allow the possibility that this works and be willing to act on any opportunities that come your way. If you are ready to be proven wrong in the best possible way, you will and you won’t regret it.
As I always say…. Remember, bring it into now and never underestimate the power of who you are.
PS, after releasing many old chunks of “self identity”, I came across a situation where I was justifying doing something and I realized I was holding onto something, I’d had a reaction and a whirring resistance inside of me, so I knew something wasn’t quite right. I knew that I had some sort of justifications and reasons why I had to do something. When I investigated the reaction I found the following…. “I have to have some sort of identity”, “You can’t survive without an identity of some sort”, “If I don’t have an identity, what will I be”… “I’ll be nothing”. Well, I laughed pretty hard when I realized that was sitting inside of me. It was easy to let go in the seeing and made a lot of sense why I had a whirring feeling of not being fully present. Haha.
I hope you too find some old junk and let it go, there is no sweeter feeling than being present here in this moment and knowing who you really are, without the need for a mind made identity and a whole lot of junky beliefs telling you who you are and what is and isn’t possible. At the very least just reading through this blog and letting in a couple of these viewpoints should have you feeling a little lighter and looser.
If you like the contents of this blog, you may appreciate Trevor Hendy’s “Bootcamp for the Soul”, an ONLINE 12 week transformation for Soul, Mind & Body.