Life’s biggest Lie

Trevor HendyThoughtsLeave a Comment

I have had a stunning few days.  As always I have been working away with a variety of different people, following my intuition and finding my way through some interesting challenges and gaining a deeper understanding of some really interesting and common problems that we all face.

When I am doing my work with people I always know that there is a bigger story revealing itself, that if I keep following my knowing, my intuition, that I will stumble across another greater realisation and that not only does it bring a deeper sense of peace and awe into my world but also gives me a present moment glimpse of what we all are going through.

I have come to know that when I allow my wife, kids, family, friends, business partner, clients  and people in general to be really close to me, that the most incredible magic happens.  It is the connection, care and closeness that brings the true power and that is available to everyone if only they knew it was there and could see what they were doing to stop it.

I have come to know that if you stand still and really connect and attend to the people and the situations around you, exactly as they are, a deeper wisdom reveals itself to you and you will continually get a deeper understanding of not only the bigger picture of life’s mysteries but you will also realize at a deeper and deeper level that we are all connected and moment by moment are facing the same stuff.  Love comes in.

This makes for an incredible enjoyment of life, as it is not the solving of every problem that sets you free but simply knowing that they (the problems or challenges) and we, are all connected.  To know this gives immediate relief from any suffering and any future need to fix things.  The peace of now really comes in when you know and see this.

So, given that, it is fascinating to ponder and observe the effects of the opposite paradigm (way of thinking), that we are all separate, and that our survival is reliant on us beating or besting each other for the next deal, job, relationship, dollar or number of likes on facebook, instagram etc.  The effects of the belief that we are separate are literally life draining.  The effects of the illusion of competition are massive and far reaching.

It is like black and white, the realisation that we are all connected and share the one incredible, abundant and powerful life force OR the illusion that we are separate and are in a competition to get our share.  One gives life and one drains it.

So, back to the last couple of days.  I have had this nagging feeling that I was about to see a little more of the whole picture.  I knew I would because I was feeling a little restricted, a little tight and a subtle level of anxiety was rising in me.  I know when this happens that something knew is getting ready to rise in me.

Once upon a time, when I thought life was a competition I saw these moments as a problem that needed to be fixed, that I needed to be feeling amazing and bulletproof and that any feelings of un-ease were my enemy.  Now that I know we are all connected, I know to surrender to it and I know that these uneasy feelings are gateways into bigger understandings and deeper connections.  It just is.

So, just as I knew it would, it happened, I was working with a group, with my business partner Errol, and the central focus became connection.  As we delved into what was sitting in the space between these young men, footballers, brave young human beings, we were staring deeper into the need and desire for connection.  We, and they, were bravely leaving behind the need to win the game and delving deeper into the rapidly rising desire to connect with each other at a deeper level, to really get to know each other.

The wonder and opportunity of sport is that the results are more obviously instant.  If, in life, we are so fixed on results, there is not better way to notice the result of connection or separation, than to notice the scoreboard.  So, whilst this is a great opportunity, these young men were realizing that the scoreboard is only the place to look if you aren’t aware enough to notice that you have already lost the connection with each other.

If you are truly connected, you will notice when it drops, you will notice when you are out of connection, you will notice when you are starting to look to the result for your fix and you will notice how horrible, isolated and anxious you feel the moment you have put your attention anyway but here and now and on each other.  If you are not connected and honoring your part in maintaining it, you will merely be waking up every day watching the scoreboard (your bank balance, size of your house, your waist line, how attractive your partner is, your position on the corporate ladder etc).

The big realisation is that when we do this, we are no longer available for anyone else, we are exclusively available to our thoughts and the future plans and promises of our ego and our mind.  When we do this we are contributing to the loneliness, isolation, competition and illusion of separation that everyone else is going through. This isolation becomes a reality.  One moment out of connection leads to one bad result which leads to one more panic which drives us further out of connection and we all spiral down together.  Yet, it only takes one person to stop diving into the illusion of separation and to begin bringing the connection back.

You see, these young men weren’t just changing the game and the way to play it on the field, they had become bold enough to start changing it with each other and out into the world.  They were realizing that connection is everything and unless we are working on it and enjoying and embracing it, we have lost it and are unconsciously doing something that is breaking it apart.  We are usually either watching the scoreboard or blaming someone else or hating the moment in some way.

It was becoming obvious that there is no “other” team that can beat us, there is only the thoughts, judgments, resentments, blames, energy, sugary distractions and beliefs that divert our attention away from each other and put it back onto our self and survival.  When we act on those we drive ourselves and each other into further separation and survival.

When we are in this state, we are not ourselves, we are a result of our conditioning, we are unconscious and reactive.  From here we usually remain unconscious to it and contribute to the overall fight in life to survive.  The illusion that there is not enough (time, money, love, food, attention) strengthens and the cycle gains momentum.

This is where the loneliness of life comes from, whilst this is hardly even acknowledged in the world, there are many people who have an underlying feeling of not being understood, feeling isolated and alone, in fact, myself included, everyone that I have worked with have had this underlying feeling.  This is why we reach to any stimulant we can to try and rectify this horrible sinking feeling.  That is why we try so hard to win, to temporarily feel as though we are above the problems of the world, to temporarily gain others approval or admiration and fleetingly feel connected and not isolated.  This is why we reach for sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, fashion to feel better for a few moments.  Of course it doesn’t last because they are not the answer.

This is why our past sports stars and celebrities are reaching for substances and gambling to fill the whole that was always there but was covered over by the winning and the illusion of victory that comes from staring at their name at the top of the scoreboard.  The reality is, there is no victory if we are not connected.  Where is the winning in feeling further separated, even if you have the trophy or the house.  There is no victory if our pursuits drive us further into isolation or feeling above or below anyone else.  There is no greater lie, than the illusion of separation.

There is no greater truth than the knowing that we are all connected.  One is real, one is an illusion.  One is who you are, one is what you are not. The wonderful thing is that even the illusion of separation is playing its part to eventually wake us up and have us realize that we are all connected and that together anything is possible.  Life is truly waiting for us to realize this and is always ready to be seen.

Remember, bring it into now and never underestimate the power of who you are.



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