I’ve been working with a lot of different people lately and a lot of different companies and community groups, from all walks of life, and there is one thing that is really shining through at this point in time, our obsession with results.
It seems that we are at a point in time in the world where the difference between being and doing is becoming really apparent.
Firstly I will explain and outline a little bit about the energy that attaches itself to the act of just “doing.” Believe me it is not a pretty or productive energy, when it comes to sustainable growth, balance or happiness in life.
You may spot it in yourself or notice it all around you. It is the energy of being fixed on results. It includes the flavours of “what is in this for me” and “why haven’t you done it yet” or “I shouldn’t have to do this, after everything I have done”.
It is the energy of unwillingness (unless there is something in it for me). It is at the bottom of all of the division in families and the community and certainly at the bottom of all of the wars. It is built on resentment and judgement and buried upset and frustration.
It is also surrounded by the overwhelming feeling of not feeling understood. It leads to fights between people who otherwise, absolutely love each other. The old “I want you to understand me first and how much I have given and how much you owe me and why I am not going to forgive you”, or “I hate the way you have upset my plans”.
It might be an obsession with paying the bills or having the perfectly clean house or the dynamic unstoppable corporate team, sales results, sporting results, best looking partner, most well behaved kids, homework done, etc etc etc. The list of things that we are fixated on is endless.
We feel as though nothing will work out unless we fix or achieve these things and if you are not part of the solution then you are part of the problem, so get out of my face. No shortage of anger hovering around these things.
It seems, more than ever, we are full of stress and worries and the need for it to all go right, at least one day somewhere in the future.
A friend of mine explained it well by saying, energetically, emotionally, physically, financially, “we are robbing tomorrow to pay today”. In other words we are spending all of those above resources today, that we made need for tomorrow (when we have already ran out today), to try and achieve something extra tomorrow. We are virtually never in the here and now.
A lot of people are now, what’s referred to as, Adrenally exhausted. They have been running on adrenalin for what too long, robbing from tomorrow to get through today.
The destructive part is the belief in the illusion that If I just give that little bit more, I will get there and wont have this problem any more. In essence, we are screwing ourselves up and then expecting others around us to believe in the same dysfunctional mentality, if I just work harder I will get there.
Don’t get me wrong, hard work is sometimes exactly what you need to do. If you procrastinate and don’t follow things through, then hard-work is your current requirement.
For most though, it is the lack of working smart that is catching up with them, myself included. More importantly, you can’t work smart if you have deeper counter productive beliefs about yourself and the environment you work in. You see, underneath all of these stresses and worries, if you unpack and explore your deeper thoughts about your challenges, you will find all sorts of screwed up beliefs about how hard it is or how it is not possible for you or “I can’t do it in this environment”, “I just can’t do it anymore” “I can’t do it with this person”, Etc.
Take one I heard just recently, ”It’s no use working hard, if I do it’s all going to fall down around me anyway”. This was a thought from a client, who had no clue that she was thinking such a thing until she explored just how pissed off and angry she was about a certain situation failing over and over again.
Of course, she had experience and pain to back it up, but what she realised in the end was that her belief (above) became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I also refer to those thoughts as “Self affirming limitations”. We have stacks of them because most of what we have learned or experienced is based on what you are not allowed to do or can’t do.
Part of her focus (the unconscious part) was focused on everything falling apart every time there was a sniff of success or progress or hard-work.
She laughed a lot when she saw it, as it explained why, with so much hard-work, she could never catch a break. Her words after were very prophetic, (said with a huge, relieved smile on her face) “I am a pretty powerful creator, aren’t I!” Finally she could acknowledge that it wasn’t her creative abilities that were the problem, it was the unseen thoughts about her own self, situation and possibilities or impossibilities that were messing her up.
It is a relief to discover that you actually work and that you can overcome these things and that the only real problem was a lack of awareness of your own thoughts. Easily fixed. It’s a lot harder to live your life thinking that you are flawed or simply not good enough or will never be enough. That is never the case….
These thoughts are the result of those self-affirming limitations and become more of the same.
So, anyway, if you are interested in exploring this and helping yourself and others, start by spotting the energy of being fixated on results and driving the people around you away with your single minded-ness. In some cases it might be the person you are driving away that will help you with your short falls.
You may do that yourself or you may experience someone close to you doing it.
When you spot it, allow the possibility that It may in fact just be about coming together a little more and flying solo a little less, sharing your worries and concerns and not permanently leaving them til tomorrow to address.
After-all the real damage that is done from these limiting thoughts and the resultant panicky behaviours that comes from them, is the separation they create, because all though we seem to believe it is money that makes the world go around, if you scratch below the surface, you will notice it is actually thoughts and feelings that make the world go around.
In summary, it is not the circumstances of the here and now that are the problem, it is what the mind has to say about it. In fact, the circumstances of the here and now present an opportunity to liberate yourself from the mind and get started on being you, glorious, fabulous, you….
Remember, bring it into now and never underestimate the power of who you are.
In the photo above are my son and his training partner, at the end of some hardwork, slowing down, enjoying the moment and taking time to smell the roses.